Watching Tom & Jerry and eating Frosted Mini Wheats. Hope my kids think I’m a chill-ass dad.

Worked on my tan a little. I’m going to look totally hot in front of my computer screen all week.

Went to the bathroom near a mantis. Asked Jenny if the mantis was going to “bite my dick off.”

Cool sunglasses make cool kids. Spend some time being a dad, you guys. http://yfrog.com/mv4shsj

Raiding the Bell’s liquor cabinet during a potty stop.

Going to a light show. Maybe I’ll get laid. Lolz!

Maroon 5 and screaming children.

Going on a magical trip with my children. http://yfrog.com/2tt7yrj

Just going to be myself tonight. Let loose and be who I really am.

Doing a dramatic reading of other people’s tweets tonight, at Boheme. Come drink and support NANO Fiction. 5:30, happy hour, no whiners.

Listening to “Sex Room” and emptying my dishwasher.

Just gave a shirtless man permission to sleep in the park.

Pussy storm knocked-out the power. Feel like I should get bombed on cold medicine.

KFC and Coke for lunch. Cold KFC and Diet Coke for dinner. Running a train on some chicken.

“Bye, gun! I love you!” Kid LOLZ!

Wearing a cowboy hat and basketball shorts. Going to watch after my kids while the wife goes to Walmart.

Hours of crying children.

Getting high on my imagination, y’all! http://twitpic.com/2fgby4

Netflix is making me an atheist. Really want some diet root beer.

If y’all ain’t dippin’, you must be trippin’. http://j.mp/aM7oIc