Archive
December 2011
October 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
December 2009
November 2009
-
Not Reading, Christmas Lights
Haircut, Acceptable Bulge
Native American, Starbucks Bathroom
Sleeping Positions
Ankles and Mosquitos, Seafood
Quality of Living, DVD Cases
Burritos, Bushes
Sago Palm
October 2009
-
Wind Chime, Eat What You Kill
Break-Away Pants, Negative Response Towards Cookbooks
The Sun, Keyboards
Bike Lock, Pancake and Bacon Day
Rejecting Things, Stew
Ghosts, Raking the Schefflera Leaves
Riding a Bike, Fritos
Windex, Eating Out
Silly Putty
Native American Rug, It’s Going to Be Hot Today
Interplanetary Travel, The News
Think About My Health, Pho
Yard Maintenance
Watched Football, Drank a Smoothie
April 2009
March 2009
-
The First Part of Writing a Poem
The Dad is Sick
The Baby is Sick
After Not Washing My Hair For a Week
Listening to UGK and Feeling Hard
Thinking About Politics
February 2009
-
Pulling Over at a Truckstop
I Went to OfficeMax Today
AWP Part 5: Standing Outside of a Bar With People
AWP Part 4: The Mezcal I Bought With Blake Butler
AWP Part 3: The Television Show I Watched With Gina Mowish and Jereme Dean
AWP Part 2: Going to a Random Bar With Daniel Bailey
AWP Part 1: The Cuban Sandwich I Ate At Lunch With Shane Jones
Wiccan Jesus, Bless Our Environmentally Friendly Notebook Computers
January 2009
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
-
I’m Bonus Content
Matthew McConaughey is Who I Trust in Hollywood
Ike
Stop Freaking-out About Presidential Politics
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
-
i drive seventy miles an hour down the freeway
i feel hardcore right now
AHHHHHHHHHH
i created something and i hope people benefit from it somehow
November 2007
-
I am tired of being angry at people i would describe as “horrible” or “bad”
how i justify playing video games all weekend
Give me your love and companionship
steak and lobster
October 2007
-
a breakdown of my readership
I am ready for the future
brown’s pompadour
I can’t tell people that I am a writer
vogue and satan have finally joined forces
I’m going to be a dad
something horrible always happens
fewer friends
September 2007
-
my school paper thinks bear parade makes “good writing free”
Campaign Trail
I am officially announcing my candidacy for President of America on the ‘Fuck Us All’ ticket
we are all fucked together
i wrote more
August 2007
-
i have dogs that will ruin you
online flyer for my reading
reading and links
my wife
you are wrong and so am i
my wife
July 2007
-
shocking new blog that delivers shocking news about my otherwise very boring and quiet life
i like talking about shit
moments in love
the baconator
i can’t stop looking at this picture
i wrote this last week, and nothing in this post applies anymore
effective
June 2007
May 2007
-
an effective advertisement from mexico
meaninglessness essay
monday celebration jam
cooking directions based on images of food found by searching for food images on google image search: a very special shit sandwich
do the following things
April 2007
-
i cannot move my head very far to the right
two links and then i rationalize topics for my own poetry
i am not angry or distant, i have just had a lung infection for two weeks
new york is full of bad art and a little good art and writers i respect, and one writer i respect wasn’t in new york
THIS FRIDAY
five steps of development
i am drunk and have been sitting in a hot tub
sean kilpatrick interviewed me
pulling things over
March 2007
-
fruit
inconsistencies
beer
the type of poem i write when i get frustrated
i get around
seth alverson
shit in my teeth
large ego in content management
WHAM!
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
-
i decided to take it a step further
photoblogging again, sans 9000
a response to the outrage from the videotape of me rapping in my car
elimae
boom
my letter to congress from the toilet this morning
Neil Diamond
something about today
white
bored
October 2006
-
cardinals win!
laguna beach
a small excerpt from an email i sent noah cicero that noah cicero told me to post on my blog
mets cardinals
giant corporations
mutual fund investment commercial
crapping and blogging
must get better
government
sickness
September 2006
-
i’m confused by what i want to accomplish with this post
everything is and can be a metaphor for something else, and that is the complete value of our lives
August 2006
-
guesting
thank fucking whatever
i cannot write a paper book with a plot or even a story for a paper book or even a paper story with a plot
mastering table tennis
fuck you for judging me
July 2006
June 2006
-
your shit and my shit
i live in a food dehydrator
sports
i didn’t know it was flooding
being human is boring
a photo and information
not writing
offshore
fat boat guys
May 2006
-
a critical and odd return
i wrote a techno song
untitled (matches)
it is easy to jump through glass if you are malaysian
from my forthcoming graphic novel, ‘tree’
your sport can be more relevant
i will ride to the border
April 2006
-
special project announcement
ellen kennedy has asparagus in her hand
from agnes martin’s essay on the perfection underlying life
both of my legs
essential spring reading
25 24 23 22 years ago today
monday was a nice day
my dad told me this joke and then i told it to tao lin and then juked rejected it and i’m okay with that because i can post it here
selections from my math journal #2
you are not my tetris ds
March 2006
-
sloth and stove play politics
pleasant
sunday
the trash
Pretend
Black Gloves
John Denver Lives
Assassination
I Use 100% Less Paper
bear parade
The Rodeo Loves Me
February 2006
-
Four Course Insecure White Male Dinner
A Year Ago Today: The Horse
Clarification
Today’s Fog
I Hate History 100%
Notes on Version 4.6.2
Happy VD, Everyone!!!
Selections From My Math Journal
The Globalization Shitstorm
The Bloomin’ Onion of ’02
January 2006
-
Jessica Simpson on Acne
Selected Season 2 Project Runway Stars Being Eaten by Bengal Tigers
Hanging
The Legend of Ben & Jerry’s
The ‘POMPADOURED’ True Story: Juice (part 467)
UlTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY XII
Juice (part two)
Juice (part one)
Bill Gates Said, I Elaborate
A Review of The Squid and The Whale
December 2005
-
From the Bottom of My Feet (for 2005)
My Productive Christmas Spirit
An Untitled Christmas Poem Written on Yellow Paper With a Bic Pen
Jolly Old Slick Rick
Ray Charles Was Just Another Junkie on the Marfa Hotel Television
Postcard Marfa #2
Postcard Marfa #1
Adieu-dieu
I’ve Been Thinking About the Future
VELVEETA VADE MECUM
Freestyle BOARD!!!
November 2005
-
A Slightly Altered First Verse to N.W.A.’s “Alwayz Into Somethin’”
a short poem about large asses based on the following article
The Constellation of Internet
Seminole Breaking
Happy Turkey Holiday Airlines!
Alert the Best Buy
Congeal, Thunderbird Wine
BREAKING NEWS: JENNIFER ANISTON ALMOST TOPLESS
The Problem With Being White
The Boy Who Walks by Whoever
I Live Inside a Styrofoam Cooler
Texas Ain’t for Sissies.
Unrest
Special Saturday Blog
Never Forget These Trees
October 2005
-
My Life is Complete
UlTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY XI
How the Killer B’s Mourned
Donkey Kong, Or: How I Tried To Stop Worrying About Baseball and Write Something Else
THE ELECTION DEATH JAM 2005
Never Stop Honking
Albert Pooholes
My Apologies For Killing Our Friendship
One Hundred Strong and Growing
In a Time When Baseball Never Seems to End
Yesterday, When the Astros Played
Go Ahead, Indict Me
Confession: I’m Not Ashamed of Who and What I Am
Waiting for College Town
September 2005
-
UlTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY X
Bad Guy
Rita: Stormblogging Endgame
Rita: Rita
Rita: Stormblogging Day 2
Rita: Stormblogging Day 1
UlTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY IX
The New Boards of Canada Album Fruit Review
The Indecent Knowledge of Robot Poo-Poos
A Story About Sad Rainbows
I’m doomed if this horse doesn’t move forward. (for my book)
UlTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY VIII
Diet Soda Analyzed Like an NFL Wide Receiver
Extra Time on the Job
Sun Fleeting Sound
UlTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY VII
August 2005
-
Go Narcissistic Day
My Childhood is Blurry Sometimes, So I’ve Made Up My Own
Hurricane
ULTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY VI
Saving Babies: Mistake?
“Tiger Princess”
Blogging
Life on the Internet
ULTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY V
I Love Puppies! I Love Puppies!
Gardenburger
Good Credit
I Secretly Wish I Was You #1
T & A Almost Go Buck Wild, Almost
Human Boner Warnings
Breakfast is Rain and Dawn
Old Spice
Samir Bootwala V
Samir Bootwala IV
Samir Bootwala III
Samir Bootwala II
Samir Bootwala I
July 2005
-
Some Announcements
Hanging With ZZ Top Isn’t So Impressive Anymore
Avian Flu
H
The Undead Army of John Denvers
Visit Beautiful Beaver Creek
Vacation Letter
Las Vegas Breakfast Buffet
Karl Rove’s Head is a Balloon
Case Study: Mucinex DM
Crossing the River Ganges
Resounding Andy
How My Traditional 4th of July Meal Was Lost
UlTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY IV
June 2005
-
The Sounds of Saints
Three Short Tragic Poems
Making Out
The Rolling
Andy Morgan
Mt. Fuji is On My Side
A Review of ‘Batman Begins’ by Nurse Lena, My Favorite Sponge-Bather
Morphine, OMG
Keep-on With the Post-Op
General Anesthesia
The Lightning Lung Dossier: Intro
ULTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY III
Pain, and the Alternative to Pain
Duck Hunting for Realists
PHOTOBLOG9000
The Sunburn
ULTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY II
Bob Geldof Has Me
Honky Pipes: A Poem About my Defective Lung (Set to The Lyrics of “Hate It or Love It” by The Game)
May 2005
-
Summer Trumps
ULTIMATE HAIKU FRIDAY I
Giant Fighting Robots in a Time When Giant Fighting Robots are Cliché: A Play in One Act
When You’re 24 and Your Lung Collapses for the Second Time
The Sun Rolls Deep Over These Parts
The Patrimony of a Model Warrior
Internet Folklore Explained: The Game Plan For 42 Lion Fighting Cambodian Midgets
The Hometown Atomic Bomb
The Love Song of [name removed by request]
When Hidden Gifts Are Apparent
I Want Some Bacon on My Burger
Roman à Clef a la Drudge Report Volume 2: Kha-nyou the Oddball Rodent
The Mythology of Skyscrapers on New Years Day
How to Make Your Beehive Feel Loved
Gentrification Party
I’m Not Bitter About My Favorite Pro Basketball Team Getting its Ass Handed Back Large in The Worst Game Seven I Have Ever Seen in My Entire Life
Hey Baby
555 Googled Hans Christian Andersen
And the Guy Next to Me at the Bar With the Same Computer is Thinking…
Roman à Clef a la Drudge Report Volume 1: Burrito Boy
Influence