Pompadoured

We made a backpack for Jimmy, and strapped it on him. It was January, and there was no snow. We were in Texas. The ice in the trees was melting. Eva wore too much makeup.
I called our insurance agent to see if we were covered, and we were. The Explorer was running. Jimmy was cold, the dog was in the backyard, and Eva had her own ideas.
The earth was still rotating slow enough for us not to fall off. Things were okay. Much later, on the side of the road, in the dark, I realized that I left my shampoo at home. The radio was on. It was January 18, 2003, and I was about to start walking.
Headlights passed by, and Jimmy was curled up with his mother, looking at her fingernails. Eva had her other hand in his backpack, digging for a flashlight or some gummy worms. It was cold. The dog was in the passenger seat. I made a sign with my hands that was like ‘stay right there, and don’t go anywhere.’

I’ve got some news. You can’t know it yet.

I’m part of “bonus content” with Matthew Simmons in the new issue of Hobart. We review some flash games that we like.
I also have a new website that I’ve been working on with some people. It is “bonus content” for internet literature. I’m not going to tell you where it is, because we are just starting. Other people have started to link slowly. I will link slowly.

He’s probably the most obnoxious person to look at in the entire world. I am frightened by his love of bongos, the University of Texas, and not wearing a shirt. His site plays reggae and is 100% Flash.
And truthfully, even with all of those negatives, I am not above loving McConaughey. I laugh out-loud every time I read one of his ridiculous McConaughey-styled proverbs, and I will likely buy some piece of shit from his celebrity fashion brand J. K. LIVIN, because it’s too incredible not to. He plans on selling Koozies and flip-flops, which are like my two most important life items.
In short, like The Hills, The Cheesecake Factory, and gin, I never cease to be blown-the-fuck away by how awesome McConaughey is, even when I try to forget about his existence.
The Texas Monthly article describes an encounter with McConaughey in his Hollywood mansion where, by a pool overlooking “half of Los Angeles,” McConaughey talks at-length about how great the ice from Sonic is, and how it took him a long time to find an ice maker for his home that would make the same ice that Sonic makes.
And surprisingly, as of this morning, I really want an ice maker that makes the Sonic ice. It is my new life goal. That ice is incredible. It takes a McConaughey to add something like that to my life.
It takes a McConaughey to teach a man like me how to fly like a sparrow on the wings of freedom, man.
Rock on, Earth.

Houston is completely fucked. Trees over power lines, roads, houses, telephone poles, everything. It’s the most awesome post-apocalyptic landscape I have ever seen.

Things will not be ruined forever.
Riding your hopes and fears for America on the back of the President is like hoping the next issue of People Magazine will be a life changing experience because Bono is on the cover.
There is no need to freak-out or whine about the past eight years, and four more years of Republican dominance will not destroy us. It will likely just annoy people like myself with more status-quo, and one old guy talking in absolutes about very dynamic things.
Likewise, there is nothing to fear about Obama for Republicans. If he wins, Congress will likely become Republican in a couple of years. This country will have what it really needs if the election goes either way, which is a cooperation between the parties. Extremists lose when the government works for its people instead of some party agenda.
I just want to remind my friends and family that it is alright to not freak-out, and to realize that as much as you don’t agree with certain policies that certain people believe in, you are getting played if you drink all of this flesh-burning political Kool-Aid. These candidates and our media have the most to gain when you freak-the-fuck-out over the election. You have very little to gain.
Taxes will rise and fall and still suck. Abortions will continue to happen. Wars will be had. Terrorism will occur. Our government will spend more than it takes in. The poor will get help from the wealthy. Guns will be legal. We will continue to eat the Earth at an alarming rate. No President will change these things, because they are American realities.
Where we should be most invested is our local elections, and our level of community service. Presidents do not run our life or our community. They do not come into our houses and force us to live a certain way. We will continue to run our own lives and determine our own level of prosperity.
I smoked pot daily for years, and no President came into my house and told me to stop. I was the one that had to figure out my head was oatmeal, and it’s the same way for other drug abusing Americans.
We are in control of the future. We are the people who build a better country by donating time and/or money to kids or the arts or the disabled, by working stupid jobs we hate, and being examples for our kids. And our local officials, they actually have an interest in those retards/kids/bad jobs succeeding. Look at their policies as much as the Presidential policies.
Bono isn’t going to shape us into a better People Magazine. His music sucks shit, and he annoys the fuck out of me. Especially the Alaskan Bono.

I’m not sure what I should say about Noah. He is, best of all, a good honest person. I have been reading his things for a few years now, and his writing has become a big part of my life.
Noah Cicero writes from a place of evil. It’s not the “Evil” of Republican flair, but rather, it’s the evil that exist as humanity. Evil isn’t trying to hurt people, it is a place of consumption, a place where people can derive joy from a deconstruction of reality, and the reconfiguring of it into a place of true human darkness and insight, if only for self-knowledge.
Most writers and artists get excited about being Writers or Artists, what that means, and how they can ‘make their place’ in a big world full of ‘cool people’ who should respect them for how ‘special’ they are.
Evil is the best reality a human can live with. When you see the world as an all-consuming clusterfuck of selfish pride and apathetic poor decisions, you start to enjoy not trying to be the ‘most important thing,’ and instead focus on your immediate relationships and the tiny moments of significance in your own life.
I think the best way to describe the way most writers and artists feel about their work is to say they look at the product of art like it’s money– Something to exert force on those around them in a subversive and highly powerful way. But Noah, at least from what I’ve been able to put together from his blog, books, and work that I’ve read, uses writing to exert force on his self.
Noah’s writing isn’t something that exists completely for other people, or to be the ‘most important thing.’ Instead, it is writing from a place of darkness and evil we all live in, but more importantly, Noah lives in. It’s not trying to change you or manipulate you, it’s just a man trying to piece together the fucked-up shit around him and a way that makes logical sense for him, in a way that’s readable by others. And the result is work that is more honest than most, and more real than most.
The best work from the people I know and respect comes from a place of self-knowledge. We are all given a setting– an amount of knowledge that comes with our surroundings and our family and circumstance, and it’s not as important as writers or as people to manipulate those things for personal ‘awesomeness,’ as it is to record that setting for ourselves and maybe a few other people.
Other bloggers blogging about bloggers on blogging about other bloggers day:
Tao Lin blogs about Gene Morgan
Noah Cicero blogs about Shane Jones
Blake Butler blogs about Mike Bushnell
Jillian Clark blogs about Kathryn Regina
Zachary German blogs about Ryan Manning
Jereme Dean blogs about Blake Butler
Justin Rands blogs about Matthew Savoca
Kathryn Regina blogs about Ryan Manning
Ken Baumann blogs about Jereme Dean
Kendra Grant Malone blogs about Brandon Scott Gorrell
Matthew Savoca blogs about Gena Mohowish
Shane Jones blogs about Jillian Clark
Stephen Daniel Lewis blogs about TTB
Ryan Manning blogs about Tao Lin, Noah Cicero, and Brandon Scott Gorrell
Connor O’Brien blogs about Tao Lin
Mike Bushnell blogs about Zachary German
Colin Bassett Blogs about Chris Killen, Zachary German, Connor O’Brien, The Mississippi Review, and has a contest running about the ‘most powerful writers of serious literature’
Chris Killen blogs about Ken Baumann
Kathryn Regina blogs about Kendra Grant Malone
Sam Pink blogs about everyone

Some old Jack Kerouac audio came on my iPod yesterday, and I got so fucking angry I pulled my car over into a Domino’s Pizza parking lot.
You know that Royal can’t get a free sticker at the doctor’s office without a Disney character on it?
America is an ugly and worn-out asshole.
No amount of descriptive rambling and bullshit adjectives will make us a healthier heap of ass.
We’re fucked-up, and need to stop looking for the kind of knowledge that comes with ‘beauty’ and ‘creativity’.
The type of knowledge we can gain now comes from the darkness of how we’ve arrived at our current position.
I’m content with darkness.
There are very few ‘beautiful’ and ‘creative’ things in Houston, but I like living here, because there is enough darkness to maintain a realistic perspective.
When you contrast an ugly place like Houston with a city like Austin, a good-looking city that prides itself on being “weird”, you see how out-of-touch ‘beautiful’ and ‘creative’ people have become.
They forget that we are a whole, and that even people you do not like are important to your existence and well-being.
People who drive new hybrids in Austin should go down to the Houston ship channel, and look at what they really are.
They should go up the coast, to the refineries, and look at what they really are.
People move to places like New York, Austin, San Francisco, and they never look back to the piece-of-shit places they left.
I worship the Great Beast of America. I drink it’s blood and walk in its shadow.
You are all of these things if you live in America. You are the sum.
You can say that you’re not like the mass, you can make small positive changes like eating grass-fed beef or using a recycled-plastic toothbrush, but you cannot escape responsibility.
Who among us doesn’t like a good Disney movie?

Carlin was the best at proving how stupid humans are.
Also, fuck Earth Day.

Noah Cicero is a good person.
If you work to un-fuck your own mental environment in a realistic and honest way, and also help make the same avenues to un-fuckedness available to other people, you are a good person.
People are not bound to the failures of culture any more than they’re forced to watch MTV or love buffalo wing flavored Doritos.

Having children is fucking hardcore. I used to think it was just that parents were melodramatic pussies, but rearing some child is the most extreme thing I have ever done. It’s like the heroin of being a human or something.
My son laughed really hard for the first time today, and we almost cried it was so awesome. He pukes on me. Also, it is possible for an acceptable amount of shit to be on something.
I was going to make a point about being a parent, but fuck it. Being a parent has no real point. It’s great. Seeing another human grow makes you less scared about death and more empathetic to the human condition, but searching for real “meaning” in parenting is like looking for a douchebag at GNC.
I’d rather try to find meaning in Metal Gear Solid 4, which is the best game ever. I’m going to get drunk, dad-style, and read computer forums now.

I have a poem in NO POSIT VOL. 2. There is a lot of good work in the issue. Ken is good at what he does. Someone should give him fame and bitches.
There was something else I wanted to share, but forgot. Summer rules all kinds of shit. I can forget things and not care. I’m not being productive. I’m not wasting time. Everything is okay. Everyone is going to be alright. Death is a part of living.

after going on a jog. It was nice outside.
I ran over a hooker, and then I shot at a wall.
I hit a man with my fists. It was seventy degrees.
I woke up my son. I went to breakfast at the mexican cafe.
I threw a molotov cocktail into a cop car.
I drank coffee and played pool at a bar
with my gun dealer, who won.
I felt horrible after losing.
I got in a fist fight with a bum
and talked with my dad for an hour
about cars. I think I am going to sell my coupe
and get an affordable family car.
It must get good gas mileage and have an AUX input.
My SUV blew-up after shooting it with a shotgun.
I successfully escaped incarceration.
I took a nap after looking at digital watches
under ten dollars on Amazon.
I shot a fireman in the face.
I made the machine gun noise,
and my son smiled. I changed his diaper.
I ran over a man drinking coffee
while listening to reggae,
and then I threw my SUV into reverse.

I haven’t blogged in a while. I want to graduate from college. I am tired of being in school. I have been working on other things. I am sorry. There have been a lot of things going on that I haven’t commented on.
Noah Cicero is having one of his books published. If you know me and trust me, you should buy this book. If you do not know me or trust me, you should, and you should buy Noah’s book. Also, here Noah gives some nice rules for defending against morons on the internet.
Tao Lin’s book is coming out. I also recommend buying this book. I just read it five minutes ago and really liked it. Tao Lin is a nice person who works hard on his writing. He is the Jerry Bruckheimer of vegan poets.
People should buy more of Tao’s and Noah’s books. It is inexcusable to spend $12 on a Norah Jones CD at Starbucks or whatever, and not spend equal or less money on a book by an independent writer. If you have money to buy a video game or go to the movies or something like a sporting event or a nice dinner, you should also have the money to buy books from independent writers, music from independent musicians, and an occasional drawing from a local artist. Everyone reading this probably thinks the same thing. I am just trying to get mad about something.
It is important to support art that is less “mainstream,” helping smaller, but equally valid artists. Also, buy art from artists when possible, so they can get more money. This is my opinion. You probably agree. It is easy to agree. I am sorry. I also buy things like Grand Theft Auto IV, so you can label me as an asshole hypocrite if you want to. I admittedly can afford all of these things through nepotism. It’s silly for me to talk about what other people should spend money on. Spend your money on whatever you want. We are all doomed anyway. Classic white rich kid syndrome for life. Obama 2008.
Grand Theft Auto IV got a 10 on IGN. I want to hit myself in the head really hard with a hammer, go into a coma, and wake up on Tuesday.
I was in Lamination Colony again, this time as a collaboration with Blake Butler. He put a post on his blog that he would accept the first ten things into his mailbox, with the presumption that he could edit them however he wanted to. I liked the process and result.
I was quoted in The Stranger, along with lots of people and publications I like. Ross Simonini is a good journalist. I think he also qualifies as a legend now, because I read and hear things about him from other people all of the time. The Legendary Ross Simonini. Internet literature for life.
I will graduate exactly ten years after I started college, I realized this week. University of Houston class of 2009 for life. Texas A&M Pi Kappa Phi fall pledge class beer chugging champion 1999 for life.
I will blog about being in a fraternity ten years ago soon.
Have a nice couple of weeks.

I am showing restraint by not posting more pictures of my baby, for now.
Instead, I will post links to things.
I have a poem in NO POSIT, Ken Baumann’s new journal. NO POSIT has a very clean and nice style, and I thank Ken for it. If you have a journal, please use a variation of this style. It helps me read your stories and poems if I’m not cheesed the fuck out by ‘creative’ fonts and lightning bolt background photos and flash.
I was interviewed by Art Nouveau Magazine a while ago. I forgot to say anything. It was a nice interview. They have been good to bear parade. They interview Tao, Noah, and Ofelia here.
UPDATE
I forgot to tell people to visit bore parade, which has stolen all of my valuable and money making design ideas and turned them into a destructive force that will ultimately fill me with shame.

i really don’t care if this blog turns into a mushy love-fest for my lady and baby.

Bear parade has released a new book by Zachary German. Read it now or fuck you.
Also, Lamination Colony has just destroyed all other online literary journals with their latest issue.
Kal Penn is Kumar. I was talking to Blake Butler and I decided that I would bait for low-level celebrities by talking shit about them on my blog. I like Kal Penn. He acts in stupid movies, and he was in some episodes of 24 once and I thought it was funny to see Kumar play a terrorist. Also, 24 is the best show ever made. Fuck you.
If you are Kal Penn and you googled “FUCK KAL PENN” and you are at this page– Hey. I’m not really mad at you. I was just trying to get low-level to middling celebrities on my website, and you were the first one I thought of. I am going to download Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay from The Pirate Bay when someone seeds it. If this makes you angry, give me your email address and I will paypal you twelve cents.

Let’s go deer hunting. Let’s live off the land. I’ve got this awesome ATV. I own guns. We can buy enough ammo to stay busy until we are drunk. No one will see what we kill. We can eat raw meat for lunch. I’ll make us a TV room from our used beer cans and deer pelts. We can use any leftover meat to bait for coyotes. I’ll bring rat poison. It’ll be a good time. I’ll start a fire. I hope you don’t mind nudity. If we fail, we can order pizza when it gets dark. I have a new game called “Let’s Avoid Awkward Situations and Kill Ourselves” for the Playstation 3. Do you like pepperoni or sausage? The rat poison works fast. The moon changes color on my naked flesh. I like pepperoni. The coyotes only cry for so long.