It’s hard not to like sugar cookies. They are made of sugar, and they’re cookies.

Sugar cookies are a tradition, like pumpkins and other stuff. They’re a food, and you eat them.

In the traditional sleepy Texas town of Houston, Texas, people just love their sugar cookies. Says Bob Marchamp, a long time resident of Houston, Texas, “cookies are what food is all about.”

It’s hard not to agree. For a long time people have been eating sugar cookies. It seems like sugar cookies are where food really shines.

9. Working Out – I started working out again at the end of the year. Seems like 2011 was the year where everyone worked out. I don’t have any more anecdotes to back this claim up. Working out feels great, and if you haven’t done it before, I suggest you do. Number nine in this list.

8. Facebook – I don’t like Facebook. I generally spend around 30 minutes on Facebook every day. It seems like if I hate something so much, but also am uncontrollably drawn to it, that it’s a “thing” for that year. When I use Facebook, I get reminded of all of these people I know that, without Facebook, I would be happily unconcerned about. Instead I get to see where they went on vacation. And look at all of their profile photos. And see how dumb their husbands look.

7. Water – Seems like water was a big deal this year. I drank a lot of water. I went swimming some during the summer months. My wife used water to cook spaghetti a bunch, and the spaghetti was delicious. In at number seven is “water.”

6. New Toaster – In case you haven’t heard, I got a new toaster. It does four slices of toast at once, and has electronic controls for everything. It’s pretty great.

5. Kids – Seems like everyone had kids this year. In case you haven’t heard, I know all about children. They love all sorts of shit and are a fuckin’ laugh riot. You just laugh all the time with kids. It’s great. Number five in my top ten list.

4. Carbonated Water – When you carbonate water, something magical happens. It gets carbonated like Sprite. Carbonated water is great because, like Sprite, it’s fizzy. I love it. Number four in my top ten list.

3. Buying Stuff – I buy a lot of stuff all the time. Seems like other people also buy stuff. It feels shitty, but part of life on Earth. Like, buy a new dishwasher, also, Jesus loves you! New sweater, Grace of God! Bless you!

2. Cats – Why do people like cats. Bleccccch. It’s like, get a dog bro. Dogs are like cool tractors. Cats are like hard, shitty spaghetti. All I got to say about that. Coming in at number two in my top ten list is “cats.”

1. Cocaine – Discovered this year that every list should end with “cocaine.” 2012 coming like a fast, cool, good-looking train, y’all!

Occasionally, there will be actual mail from real, actual people I know. This is usually a thank you card from my mother, who is very considerate, or an invitation to somebody’s 30th/40th birthday party, or a wedding invitation. I usually save these pieces of mail because they retain some sentimental value for a few months. I feel guilty when I throw them out.

When I get a package, I open it immediately. Packages that are cardboard boxes get open, broken down with a box cutter, and taken out to the recycling area of our trash. I feel good about the amount of cardboard recycling we do. We have much more recycling than our neighbors every two weeks, and I often think that they must feel like the world is filling up with trash around them and that they alone are causing global warming. I picture our neighbors killing babies, eating dog, and pouring their oil into a lake.

Packages that are not boxes get thrown away in the regular trash. I feel extreme guilt about my level of waste, which I consider severe. I have two children in diapers and a terrible addiction to consumer electronics. I understand that humanity cannot last forever, and that the act of being born, in essence, both propagates and destroys our species. I have been battling depression.

To summarize, the mail is okay. I consider it necessary, mainly because I have Amazon Prime. When I order diapers and electronics, I want to do it in the shame of my own home. I am the sum of what I order on the internet. Sometimes the mail reminds me of that.

I sat on my couch for freedom. I ate a pizza for freedom. Later, I made a cocktail for freedom, and sat in my backyard. I’ve seen severed heads on television, and I didn’t look away.

Sometimes I picture myself with a gun killing another, unknown, person. I can rape and torture with the rapers and torturers. Give me the circumstance, and I am confident of my reactions. They are weak in an animalistic sense, but they are not, as far as I know, any different than the reactions of many people.

It is an incredible thing that my life is not that circumstance, and I get to exist in a time of general peace. I exist to have a wife and children. I exist to wake up and look at my phone in bed, tabbing through news and eventually moving into the bathroom and then into the nursery to hold my two small children.

Our bodies are sculpted by murders and rapes that have already occurred, my ancestors killing and being killed. My German ancestors killing my English ancestors, raping and giving birth and becoming me, in front of a computer and listening to music about drugs and dancing.

Centuries later, I shop for ceiling fans on the internet. For freedom.

The book is short and I read it out loud. There is a mosquito, and it is flying. I notice that I have thumbs. My wife has legs, and I think about her having legs. I picture a Ford Mustang. Our planet is full of assholes.

When our feet are in sand, it’s bright. The ocean holds a boat. I picture a Ford Mustang on the beach, driving fast, maybe even driving on the ocean. I order food and a piña colada. A seagull is flying. I’m on my back and eating crab.

I’m watering our lawn. I’m wearing a robe and looking at the park across the street. I’m inside and listening to a song about murder. I own an XBox 360 and I picture my XBox 360 living forever, its hair waving behind it. I rub my hand magically over our dog, and our dog moves closer. Over time I grow older. I watch my body move.

Sometimes, I move the sharp edge of a knife over my skin and pull the dead skin onto the blade. I’ll rename all of the illegal files I have downloaded into a naming scheme I can manage. I recycle cans and paper.

I put my design books in a milk crate above the milk crate that holds my records. The milk crate at the top sags in the middle, forcing the milk crate at the bottom to sag at the top.

Last night I drank wine out of a can and sat in a chair while looking at my pants. At dinner, I was light headed. I had dessert. Over time, I hope to become a more responsible human being.

My throat hurts, and I’m crunched over my desk typing this. I hear a leaf blower. I rub my hands on my face and think about credit cards. I’m busy being unique and special, watching myself grow into a precious person. I’m creative and own Apple products.

Ate a beet salad 12 hours ago. Will probably make the bed in a few minutes. Heated up some frozen waffles for my son, and watched children’s programming.

The back of Pearl's head.

I drank six or seven beers while on antibiotics, at the pizza parlor. My strep relapsed and I took a nap on Saturday.

I played with my son and threw a ball at him. People came over late at night and I read the new Raymond Carver biography. I got a small radio for our room that has an iPod dock and I listen to FM radio on it. The dock is hidden, and then it appears when you press a button. The radio is red.

We ordered food from a new Chinese food place last night, and it was acceptable. This morning I ate cold fried asparagus and felt okay about it.

This morning I put on a flannel shirt instead of turning the air conditioning down, but it’s okay because we’ve started shopping a Whole Foods again. I want to rub dirt all over my naked body and run through a busy movie theatre.

I’m switching 100% from Pepsi Max to Zevia. Dr. Zevia is a major accomplishment in the carbonated beverage industry.

I bought a design book highlighting the Metal logos of a single man. I look at receipts like they have some sort of value, even after eating, and feel like I should make a scrapbook.

AMP gum is fucking nasty. I keep chewing it because I feel like it’d be wasteful to throw it away.

Switch between computers often now (old Shuttle with Windows 7 & Macbook Pro). Dropbox has been turning me into a better person, on the inside.

I’ve been making an effort to read more often. I feel intense guilt every time I look at the stack of books behind my bed. Feel like 9/11 was my fault.

I think there’s some strawberry jam residue on the roly mat under my yoga ball/desk chair. My shoe keeps feeling sticky.

Sometimes I ride my bike to Walgreens. I sit in front of my computer and move my mouse and keyboard. Something somewhere explodes.

Somebody will give an opinion, and then somebody else will give an opinion. I’ll make a peanut butter and jelly foldover. It gets dark and my wife washes the children. News people report the news. I’ll drink a beer.

I will remember things I’ve forgotten, and be worried that we won’t have enough money to exist. I’ll make a document on my computer and stare at it. A newscaster will say what other people have done. There’s a fire somewhere. Guns, everywhere, and I’m eating an orange.

The news exists. I’ll watch it, and likely not process the terrible things that have happened. Afterwards, I will watch a movie or pee or something. I’ll stare at my phone for thirty minutes and then go to sleep.

A Picture of The Bedroom Fan (Royal Morgan, 2010)

Yesterday, I cooked steaks. Earlier in the day I went to the park. I ate a veggie burger near the sailboat pond. I sat with my daughter on the grass.

I watched the Maurice Sendak documentary thing that Spike Jonze did. I really liked it. Maurice is funny, obsessed with death, and comes-off as a really genuine and honest person.

I drank a Vitamin Water at the park. I also read the responses to this post. Discovery Green is a nice park with tall buildings all around it, all looking down on this little park full of children and people having a nice time. I wore my shoes the whole time. A group of women next to me said “Obamanation” many times, while putting clothes on their children and laughing. I walked around a building with Royal, and pointed to some bikes.

There’s a problem with my cuticles again. I’m afraid to think I need a manicure or pedicure. My fingers are ugly.

I’m staring at some AMP gum on my desk. Recently changed the photo on my desktop to a photo of my daughter. Want to play with Legos. My office is hot and I’m heavily addicted to caffeine.

In the picture above, Royal grabbed my phone, yelling “fan” and squealing while he took pictures of the fan.