Basic Info
Mucinex DM is distilled from old tires and arsenic. Lab pigs would rather eat chalk in vinegar.
History
The Mayans used it as a cure-all for VD, mostly in paste form. There are several temples honoring Mucinex DM. The largest in Tikal, which still houses the Mucinex Corporation’s head office.
Given to American soldiers during the Gulf War, Mucinex DM unblocked an army’s worth of mucus, suppressed endless coughs, and delivered babies on the battlefield. Mucinex DM was a miracle that delivered miracles when our troops needed them most.
Important Dates
January 20, 1956 – Mucinex DM is blacklisted by the FDA along with Allegra D and Tylenol PM.
April 27, 1963 – John F. Kennedy pushes for over-the-counter status for Mucinex DM. The FDA approves the drug, citing that users should “take it no more than 4 times in a 24-hour period.” The sixties ensue.
March 30, 1976 – David Bowie has a Mucinex DM overdose at the Chelsea Hotel in New York. Hours after the news, kids are bum-rushing the drug stores for “the most freaked-out side-effects of any cough suppressing anti-mucus pill.” Despite the obvious harmful side-effects and dangers of the drug, the FDA gives it a big loud “Hell Yeah!”
My Experience
It made me really fucked-up for a couple of days. Regular Mucinex is badass for mucus, but Mucinex DM is like the filthy hallucinogen-popping trailer-park neighbor regular Mucinex tries to avoid when he goes to get his paper in the morning.
Usually, Mucinex DM is naked in his trailer just dancing all electric-slide right through the AM, so regular Mucinex, as you can imagine, gets all fucked-up over seeing his neighbor dancing all naked and flappity-flap balls, and has a hard time falling asleep that night with floppy-flap balls spinning all through his fragile mucus loosening regular Mucinex head.
Conclusion
Headache, mild poops.