I took money from the homeless, from the mentally handicapped. I stole it back in 1998, out of a coffee can on the street. I used that money to buy a Game Boy, and I don’t regret it one bit. I needed that Game Boy, that Game Boy saved my life, I think. I played it instead of using drugs. I swear I would have used drugs if it wasn’t for that Game Boy. It saved my life, I swear.
In 2000, I took lunch money from children. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for taking that money, a little. Okay, maybe not at all. But you see, there was this cool shirt at Hot Topic that I liked, and I didn’t see any harm in a few kids going without salisbury steak for a day or so, just so I could look cool. I’m not sorry. I’m not even a little bit sorry.
I’m sorry for some of the things I’ve done, but not all of them, especially not the ones that I just told you about. Mostly, I intend to not apologize for stealing and breaking some kind of law. Come on, you know my stealing isn’t that big of a deal. Seriously, just a few homeless people and children. I’m not sorry for it. I’m not sorry for it, and if you try to attack me, it is only because you hate me. You are only doing so because you don’t like who I am, and I’m not sorry for that. I’m not sorry, at all.