Because I don’t think I am a writer. I don’t write books. I have things that I have written, and I have written things that I work on sometimes, but I don’t work on it that hard. It is easy. I do it because it is easy. I don’t work on it like a job. I don’t think I want to work on it like a job. I want to work on a job like it is a job.
If you are an actual writer, it is your profession. A writer gets paid to sell writing to people, and that is a challenge. It is difficult to be a writer who sells work. You have to put a lot of discipline and focus into what you do. It is an actual job, and I respect people who do that job, like I respect anyone else who does a job.
I get paid for a job that has very little to do with writing about how sad I am at times. I like doing other jobs that are not writing. I am lucky in that I have had the financial and emotional support from my parents and wife to develop a skill-set i like, and to stay in school so I can eventually get a job that makes money that is not writing.
Some people are good at video games and play a lot of video games. They do not bitch about not making any money off of playing video games. They get jobs to support their video game playing. A person may be an awesome video game player, but to the people they meet, they are primarily computer salesman or in marketing or whatever.
If you make money off of writing sentences, you are a writer. If you do not make a money off of it, you are, well, you are a writer too, but listen, no one tells people they are a video game player at parties.
If your primary interest in life is to make art, you are an artist. If your primary interest in life is to write, then sure, you are a writer. I am not going to shit on your tracks. But telling people this does not make your art or writing better. It is something that will disconnect you from nice non-artist people. It will disconnect you from people that you should have a real relationship with and not alienate because what you do is weird and self-important and “cool” and “unique”.
The act of presenting yourself as an artist first and foremost to other people is one that has been ruined by people who are pieces of shit. I understand this. I have, at times, been this piece of shit and regret it now. The terms “artist” and “writer” have lost their weight and relevance because people who like to talk about themselves took these terms and rubbed their asses on them. Also, telling people you are a poet is like taking a shit in the park and getting caught mid-act by a stranger.
I am a lot of things, but I can’t claim to be any of them. It’s hard to call yourself anything, if you are an honest person. If you are an artist, it should be really hard to call yourself an artist, because the act of observing and interpreting things, unless you are a formalist or an asshole, requires transparency and uncertainty.
I’m not completely sure of what I’m trying to say. I am just trying to make something clear to myself, I guess, and I’m not even completely sure of what the something is. People should talk shit in the comment section. I am tired of working on this entry now.